The prostitute attraction
Most married men cheat. Some even do so with impunity. That is no news in Nigeria and many parts of the world. Sayo, a guy I know, is not bothered by the fact that the women he cheats with are not dedicated to him. He is not fazed by last week’s argument that most of these “available women” he also calls “free electrons” have multiple men and could as well be described as prostitutes.
“If you are not going to marry a woman, why must you worry about her other men?” he rationalizes.
True, most of the so called available women keep other guys for various reasons, notably money. But of course, there are professional prostitutes. Occasionally, they fall in love with some of their customers but that is rare. Like Alix Tichelman in last week’s piece, money is their language and they tell you the charge upfront. That is the case under review now. Why do married men go that far?
Latest on Tichelman-Hayes Case
Photo Credit: Information Nigeria.
Tichelman, the professional prostitute, charged in connection with the death of a Google executive, Timothy Hayes has been labeled a “wounded bird” by her attorney, who said she had no reason to hurt him.
Speaking to reporters outside the trial in which Alix Tichelman is charged with manslaughter, prostitution, destroying evidence and transporting a controlled substance, her attorney Larry Biggam said that the 26-year-old had no reason to kill Forrest Hayes, given how much money he was paying her.
But the defence team says that the two had taken part in “mutual consensual drug usage” during a sexual encounter that had been instigated by Hayes.
The simple reasons for patronizing prostitutes are similar to reasons why men cheat on their wives
Loss of attractiveness: Passion is mostly driven by imagination and fantasy, while familiarity tends to kill them. From years of living with a partner you tend to know so much about her that there is little to fire the imagination or excitement you would get from outside. Clearly, obvious reasons for sexual avoidance are hostility and lack of physical attractiveness because of poor personal hygiene, body weight, and failure to dress in a manner which one’s partner prefers.
Boredom: The man is bored, overworked, or otherwise put-upon (in his mind), and feels deserving of something special that is just for him – something like viewing porn, or having affairs.
Insecurity: Deep down, he feels that his too old, too fat, too thin, too poor, too stupid, or too whatever to be desirable. He uses flirtation, porn, and extramarital sex as a way to feel better about himself, to reassure himself that he is still desirable, worthwhile, and “good enough.”
Damaged: Perhaps he is acting out early trauma experiences, such as physical abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse. His formative wounds have left him unable or unwilling to fully commit himself to one other person. He may also seek sexual intensity outside his relationship as a way to self-medicate (escape from) his emotional and psychological pain.
Special case of powerful men:
According to experts, “Powerful men engaged in intensely stressful jobs need to have their emotional lives in balance. While functioning at a very high level intellectually, a sense of invulnerability combined with poor self-care and constant pressure to perform can leave them emotionally vulnerable to undermining the very things they have worked so hard to achieve.”
Hayes, was a top Google Executive, with the company’s high-profile X division responsible for experimental “moonshot” projects such as Google Glass and driverless cars.
Dr. Ellis, a noted psychologist and sexologist, adds another dimension. He says “a surprisingly large number of men, I have found in my clinical experience, fail miserably in their marital relationships, largely because of their ignorance and prudery in regard to how to satisfy their wives sexually.
Such men are frequently impotent or sexually below par because, consciously or unconsciously, they subscribe to self-defeating sex notions which sabotage their powers and potentialities. Out of shame, they avoid having marital relations and resort to prostitutes with whom, because they pay, they are not ashamed to be poor lovers.”
There they go
While these reasons push the man out, there are specialized women waiting to attract them. They come under various guises – dressed to kill and experts in suggestive body language.
Also they are experts in sex, and could do anything the man wants to satisfy him, including things a man may not be able to do with his wife at home. In this age of extreme this, extreme that, it is said that there is also extreme sex.
Operating under the cover of what the people call the 11th Commandment – though shall not be caught – many men for the reasons cited above, do not want extramarital affairs that could lead to long relationships they may be caught involved in.
Some men also cite cases of unceasing demands by their extramarital partners as reason they prefer pros, where in most cases, the only payment is for the agreed session only.
But this is risky business. As matured men, who try to manage their homes well to keep to their wives, say all the pro cares about is your money and not a hoot about your person. As they also say aides dey town o!